The Fine Print
by BlackHeartsxxRedSpades926
Summary: James wins a contest but the contest's conditions result in an awkward situation for Logan. AU, eventual slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** I got the idea for this story while watching the 1987 movie _He's My Girl_, and the title is taken from Cute is What We Aim For's 'Sweet Talk 101'. This is my first Big Time Rush fanfic and I highly encourage constructive criticism. Please let me know what you think of the characterization. Also, this will eventually include slash, so if that's not your bag, consider yourself appropriately warned. Please enjoy. Oh, and it should be common knowledge, but just to cover all my bases: I do not own Big Time Rush.

**The Fine Print**

"Nothing like conditioning to remind you of how out of shape you are." Carlos Garcia announced as he plopped down onto the Knights' comfy sofa. It was a typical Friday afternoon for the foursome- hockey conditioning from 2:45 to 5:00 followed by hanging out at Kendall's house from 5:00 until whenever their mothers got worried. Logan Mitchell chimed in with:

"Yes, well, that's kind of why we do it, Carlos. The idea is to get us into gear for when hockey season rolls around." Logan had this habit of being incredibly sarcastic and Carlos was almost always defensive, so the two quickly began bickering as was typical for them.

Kendall, who usually mediated between the two, was busy making a pizza in the kitchen and James was mesmerized by whatever music video was on the television.

"You know, you sound really condescending for someone who was _clearly_ lagging behind in practice today, Lo_gan_!" Carlos retorted.

"Condescending? Sounds like someone finally bought a thesaurus."

"Oh yeah? Well-"

Kendall entered the room, pizza in hand.

"Guys, guys-"

"Everyone SHUT UP!"

Carlos, Logan, and Kendall all turned to face James, his eyes glued to the TV.

Kendall didn't take kindly to being told to shut up in his own house. "James, what-"

"Shhh!"

From what Kendall could tell, it looked like an advertisement for some sort of contest. Upon realizing that that was indeed exactly what it was, he groaned. This wasn't the first time James had entered a contest like this and Kendall knew that just like with all the other contests, it wouldn't be the first time James lost. It seemed that Carlos and Logan were quickly drawing the same conclusion because Carlos asked, "Wait a minute, James- what is this contest for, exactly?"

If James noticed the wariness in Carlos' tone, he didn't acknowledge it. Instead he calmly replied:

"It's an all expenses paid two week trip for two to meet pop sensation, Pop Tiger's 'Hottest Teen Acting/Singing Heartthrob', Dak Zevon on the set of his latest movie. This is it, you guys. This is my chance- my springboard to fame!"

Carlos, Kendall, and Logan all exchanged nervous glances. This wasn't the first time they'd heard James' fame spiel in regards to some stupid contest.

Finally, it was Logan who broke through the awkward silence. "James…How is this contest any different than the ones before?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, clearly bewildered.

Times like these made Logan really hate being the smart one. The other three always forced him into being the bearer of bad news, the 'buzz kill', claiming his logic and superior explanatory skills made him the only option. He needed new friends. He really hated having to burst James' bubble.

"What I mean is that this is exactly what you said about MySpace's 'Send in an Audition Tape for a Chance to be on FOX's Glee' promotion. Kendall even filmed your audition tape to help support you.

"Yeah well, that contest was clearly rigged. Pop Tiger is running this promotion, and that magazine has never steered me wrong." James argued his mouth set in a straight, firm line.

"What about the contest to spot everything that was out of the ordinary in the April Fools episode of Degrassi for a chance to win a guest spot on the show? Carlos watched every episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation that Spring Break just to help you catch the mistakes. And don't lie. Pop Tiger was your justification for getting a mohawk in the sixth grade. Steered you wrong, it has."

James continued pouting. And that's when Logan decided he was going to have to bring out the big guns.

"You said once that you would never enter another contest."

Carlos' and Kendall's eyes went wide- they couldn't believe Logan was going there. From the expression James wore, he couldn't believe it either, but go there Logan went.

"Logan, don't!" James growled.

"I'm sorry James, but this is for your own good. When you lost the 'Win a Date with Nicole Scherzinger' contest you swore you would never enter another contest again so long as you lived."

With those words, Carlos found himself admiring Mrs. Knight's choice in wood flooring more intensely than he ever had before and it appeared as though Kendall had decided the pizza would really go better with some onion rings, as he retreated to the kitchen.

Logan and James were at a standstill. James had entered the 'Win a Date with Nicole Scherzinger' contest their freshman year of high school and losing was more than his fourteen year old heart could take. It was the most upset they had ever seen James aside from the time his parents divorced when they were ten. James had made them promise never to speak of the incident again and by breaking that promise Logan had just become Public Enemy Number One.

Just when it looked like James and Logan would never speak again, Carlos chose to intervene.

"Dude, you just broke the Bro Code." He said pointedly to Logan.

Logan's eyebrows reached his hairline. He couldn't believe that Carlos would betray him like that; taking James' side when all Logan was trying to do was help James by making him see reason.

James nodded, crossing his arms as he continued to glare at Logan. Seeing their reactions, Carlos turned to James before a second fight could break out between them.

"I saw that. Don't act like he doesn't have a point just because you're mad that he mentioned 'the incident'."

It was James' turned to scowl and be offended.

Carlos sighed. "Kendall, get back out here! You're better at resolving conflicts than I am."

Kendall popped his head out from the kitchen's doorframe. "Carlos, you're a middle child, shouldn't your environment prepare you for resolving conflicts?"

"I have sisters. The only arguments I can fix involve boys, borrowed clothes, or Barbies. Oooh, and make-up."

"And anecdotes like that remind me why I couldn't be happier that Katie's only ten, and that I won't have to be here when she gets to be make-up wearing, boy-dating age."

If Logan, who began gathering his things to leave, hadn't been in the midst of an argument with James, he would have brought it to Kendall's attention that what Carlos had told them was not an anecdote because it wasn't a specific account of him diffusing an argument over Barbies or boys or borrowed clothes. As it was, it was James who broke through Kendall's reverie.

"Hello? We're still here, and I'm still mad at Logan, who's running away because he can't deal with the fallout."

Logan tensed and stopped what he was doing completely.

"I can't deal with the fallout? _I_ can't deal with the fallout?"

Carlos groaned. "Do you see why I asked for reinforcement?"

Kendall nodded. "Right. Hey hey! Break it up."

James and Logan stopped being at each other's throats for a moment to give Kendall their immediate attention.

"That's better. Now kiss and make up so that we can move on to more important things. Things like the pizza I just made and the Angelina Jolie movie Carlos has provided for us."

For a moment, neither of them made a move to do anything. Kendall motioned for them to hug it out.

Logan scoffed, glaring at Kendall all the while.

James rolled his eyes.

Kendall folded his arms. "We don't have all day, boys. The sooner you kiss and make up, the sooner we get to ogle Angelina."

"I'm sorry for mentioning 'the incident'." Logan's eyes were downcast and Carlos thought it sounded more like 'I'm moving into IKEA' but it seemed to appease James, who accepted the apology in stride and admitted: "You were only trying to help."

Kendall smiled. "Great! Now let's watch the movie."

* * *

><p>Later that evening as he was browsing the web trying to get a head start on his weekend homework, Logan let his curiosity get the better of him. Looking up the details of the 'Two Dreamy Weeks with Dak' contest caused Logan to wonder whether arguing with James had been worth it. For all he knew, James would enter the contest anyway. It wasn't like he'd managed to make James promise that he wouldn't. Was it really so harmful for James to take a chance and enter?<p>

Against his better judgment, Logan decided to enter James in the contest. He submitted the application once on the family computer, once on his personal laptop and even once through text message. Logan hardly ever used his cell phone and he texted even less, so the fact that he used it for the contest meant he was really feeling guilty.

Meanwhile James was sitting at home watching TV in his pajamas when the 'Two Dreamy Weeks with Dak' commercial came on again. James couldn't stop thinking about what Logan had said. Maybe he was right, maybe entering this contest wasn't such a good idea. He thought about not entering at all for a moment before he remembered that he was _James Diamond_. James Diamond took chances and he had an especially great feeling about this one.

* * *

><p>It had been two weeks since the Dak debacle, as Logan preferred to think of it, when Carlos asked to borrow his phone.<p>

"What's wrong with your phone?"

Carlos looked sheepish. "I'm currently between phones. I broke my last one waterskiing on vacation last month."

Logan sighed. Typical Carlos. "Fine, whatever. You're lucky I carry it with me for moments like this."

Moments like this meant staying after school. They were after school today working on their science project and had just decided to call it a day. If only Logan had remembered how 'curious' Carlos was. As it was, he was taken by surprise when Carlos asked him "Wait, _what_? _You_ entered the contest you warned James about?" Logan didn't know what to say. He took a deep breath. "I-I was feeling really guilty about the fight, so I entered James in the contest."

Carlos smiled. "James must have thought that was really nice of you. I know I do."

"He doesn't know."

"What? Why not? I-"

"Carlos! Can you just call your family and give me my phone back?"

"Touchy, touchy." Carlos responded, eyebrows raised.

* * *

><p>It was two weeks later that the 'Two Dreamy Weeks with Dak' promotion ended.<p>

It was two weeks later and James Diamond had just received a very _interesting_ letter in the mail.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:** First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who put this story on Story Alert, and both readers who reviewed the first chapter. I do not own, nor do I claim to own _Big Time Rush_, Katy Perry, Mountain Dew, _Call of Duty: Black Ops_, Xbox, or _Ru Paul's Drag Race_. Here's the second chapter of The Fine Print. I hope you enjoy it, and as always, constructive criticism is highly encouraged.

James had been so excited when he read the return address on the letter he called Kendall, Carlos, and Logan over to his house immediately, waiting to open it. Kendall and Logan had been there for twenty minutes and the three were awaiting Carlos' arrival.

"Where is he?" James Diamond was many things, but patient wasn't one of them.

"He said he'd be right over, but he had to wait for his sister to get off of work." Kendall explained.

James scowled, but his good news was so great that he couldn't be upset for long. It seemed, however, that Kendall was growing equally impatient. In all of his excitement, James hadn't actually told his friends why he called them over.

"James, why are we here?"

"Yeah James, what's up? On the phone you made it sound like you'd discovered the cure for cancer." It went without saying that discovering the cure for cancer was the most exciting thing Logan could imagine. It was also his number one goal in life.

"I got here as soon as I could- what's so important that you had to drag me away from Black Ops?"

Kendall jumped in surprise "Gaaah! Carlos, don't _do_ that. It's creepy when you appear out of nowhere."

Logan appeared to be equally perturbed by Carlos' sudden entrance.

Carlos shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry. So what did you want to show us, James?"

James smiled and revealed the letter he'd been holding behind his back. "Well Carlos now that you're here, I can open it."

Kendall was incredulous. "Wait a minute, James. You called us over here to watch you _open your mail_?"

Logan had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he wasn't going to like this very much. Nevertheless, the three of them eagerly awaited the opening of the letter, but James was very meticulous- it was a trait he inherited from his mother. It also made him a master of suspense.

"Just open it already!" Kendall practically screamed.

At last, James removed the letter from the envelope and suddenly, despite all of his excitement he thrust the letter towards Kendall, unable to read it.

Kendall was understandably confused. "James, what?"

James looked anxious, "I can't read it. Tell me what it says."

Just when it looked like Kendall was going to lecture him about taking responsibility for his own actions or pursuing his dreams or some optimistic bullshit like that, James turned his wounded puppy dog eyes on full force.

"All right, all right" Kendall conceded, "I'll read it." Each boy took a deep breath. "It says: Dear James Diamond, Thank you so much for your interest and entrance in the 'Two Dreamy Weeks with Dak' promotion."

And with those words, James grew absolutely despondent. This reaction was exactly what the other three had been afraid of, Logan especially. The whole event, sitting on the cream colored leather couch in James' living room, James' pained expression, with Kendall, Carlos, and Logan all being at a loss for what to do or say was eerily reminiscent of 'the incident' two years earlier.

Two years ago, the four of them had been in the exact same room watching MTV on a Friday night when the winner of the 'Win a Date with Nicole Scherzinger' contest was announced. Carlos, upbeat as always, and dreading a repeat of events, threw his arm around James' shoulder.

"James, that really sucks, but you know what? We're all here for you man, and tonight we'll do whatever you want."

James smiled, or at least attempted to, it really looked like more of a grimace. "Thanks, Carlos, but I think I just want-"

"You guys, I wasn't finished." Kendall was wearing a smug grin, akin to that of the cat who just ate the canary.

Logan was as suspicious as he looked. "What are you talking about, Kendall?"

"I haven't finished reading the letter. "

"What's the point? I've entered enough contests to know a rejection when I hear it." James' arms were crossed and he was pouting. James' pout had been adorable when they were six and effective when they were ten but at sixteen his three best friends were not only immune to it, they thought it was ridiculous.

Kendall rolled his eyes in response. Sighing, he explained "James you wanted me to read it, so shut up and let me. It continues: 'It is with great pleasure that we invite you to California.' Yadda yadda yadda, you won, details I don't care to read are included, you can stop pouting now. Hooray!"

James was ecstatic, so much so that Kendall's sarcasm didn't even faze him. "I won? I _won_? I _actually_ won?" Fearing that James would become a broken record, Kendall passed the letter to Carlos to provide James with confirmation. Carlos briefly glanced at the letter and nodded, a smile breaking across his face.

James' mind was working a mile a minute. This wasn't the first time he'd won a contest but it was the first time he'd won a contest that meant this much to him. This was far and away the most desirable prize, and it was all his. Well, not _entirely_ his. With that thought, James began gesticulating wildly, attempting to formalize his thoughts.

Logan looked incredibly amused. "What's that, Lassie? Timmy's trapped in a well? Oh boy!"

James scowled, "Haha. Hardy-har-har. Actually, Lo_gan_ I was just thinking about how it's a trip for two to meet Dak Zevon on the set of his new movie. Trip for _two_. Which means one of you lucky jerks gets to come with me. The question is: which one?" James looked positively crazed with power: a glint in his eyes, a smirk on his face, and steepled fingers.

Carlos looked expectant, Kendall looked absolutely unimpressed, and Logan was just dumbfounded.

"A trip to L.A.? L.A., the city filled with girls and movie stars and…and girls!"

Kendall scoffed, "Carlos, you said 'girls' twice."

"Well yeah because they're not just any girls- they're California girls." Carlos was clearly lost in his fantasy of Los Angeles and its women; his eyes alit with pleasure. Kendall was just glad he wasn't singing. If the grocery store wasn't playing the '90s channel, they were playing the Top 40 and Kendall had heard enough Katy Perry to last a lifetime.

"Who should I choose? I mean, you're all my best friends, and I love you all equally, so who should I choose?"

Kendall, ever the levelheaded one, decided to make the choice easier for James.

"It won't be me because I have little interest in going. Besides, I can't afford to miss two weeks worth of hockey conditioning- not if I expect to be captain our junior year."

James huffed. Kendall was constantly sucking the fun out of moments like this (which were the perfect moments to practice announcing at award shows, not that James did that or anything…). Kendall always stole James' thunder.

"Humph. So I guess it's between Carlos, who's so accident-prone he wears a helmet 24/7, i.e. a potential nightmare on a film set and Logan, who didn't believe that I could even win this contest." When a minute passed and Logan wasn't backtracking or defending himself indignantly, James was incensed even further. "Logan, who not only doubted my abilities but clearly doesn't even listen to me when I talk!"

In response Logan looked up from reading the contest letter. "James, you're not going to be taking any of us."

James faltered a bit. "What do you mean?"

"Those details Kendall didn't care to read?" Here he paused for dramatic effect, "They specify that it's a romantic trip for two. You're expected to bring your girlfriend."

James looked confused, an expression that was by no means foreign to the pretty boy's face. "But-but I don't have a girlfriend."

"I don't know what to tell you man. It says right here that the winner and their SO are entitled to a fourteen day, thirteen night stay in the His and Hers suite at the Palm Woods Hotel.

Carlos visibly deflated. "No girls? No movie stars?"

Kendall shook his head. "It doesn't look that way Carlitos." He glanced at his watch. "Oh hey, I gotta go. My mom wanted me home before ten."

Logan's ears perked up. "Yeah, my dad's on a business trip and I promised I'd record _20/20_ on the DVR for him."

"And if I expect a ride home, I'd better call my sister before she falls asleep."

And so one by one, James Diamond's friends left him to plot and plan alone.

* * *

><p>Several hours later James had yet to establish a plan of action regarding the monkey wrench in the Dak contest but he <em>had<em> managed to make his hair even more stylish. James had had his heart set on spending two weeks in California with at least one of his best friends. The mandate especially sucked because James was currently, and all too recently single. Trying for the seventy-eighth time to take his mind off of his predicament, James found himself flipping channels on the plasma flat-screen TV in the living room. When he landed on _Ru Paul's Drag Race_ James had the epiphany of a lifetime, and that's when he called Kendall.

His plan was so brilliant James couldn't sit still- his excitement was bubbling over. The waiting game was killing him. Ring…ring…ring…until Kendall finally picked up.

The blond sounded tired, James could hear him yawning. Nevertheless James barreled through his explanation.

"Did I wake you? Sorry, it's just that I have a completely brilliant plan!"

"James it is one in the morning and I have work at eight-thirty. Your plans are terrible during the day. What makes you think this one's going to be any more comprehensible in the middle of the night?" Kendall's tone was dripping with derision and condescension. James could just picture his raised eyebrow but he was too animated to stop.

Laughing, James announced: "You're coming with me to California."

"Wow, okay, I don't even know where to start. Not only do I have zero interest in going, but we've been friends since we were six. I don't know if you've noticed over the past ten years, but I'm not a girl!"

James felt affronted but was relatively undeterred.

"Yeah, but-"

Kendall sighed heavily into the receiver, leaving no room for argument. "Good night, James."

Explaining his genius scheme to the dial tone wasn't going to help, so naturally James called Carlos.

"Hey Carlos, I didn't wake you, did I?"

Carlos laughed, "Nah man, you know me. Friday nights are best spent drinking ridiculous amounts of Mountain Dew and playing Xbox. Why, what's up?"

James was wearing a predatory grin that would have given Carlos pause were they face-to-face.

"How'd you like to come to California with me?"

James heard Carlos drop the controller in the background.

"Are you kidding? I'd love to, but I- I can't."

James frowned. "What? What do you mean you can't?"

"My mom reminded us tonight that my grandma's 65th birthday is later this month. There's gonna be a huge celebration and my whole family's going to my grandma's house upstate. It's the same weekend as the first week of the trip. Besides, I don't even want to know what you have planned to get around the girlfriend condition."

"But-"

"Sorry dude, family's family. Why don't you ask Logan? He was more than willing to help you win. I'm sure he'd love to go."

James furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Carlos, what are you-"

"Sorry dude, I've gotta go. I've gotta score this kill."

"Wait, Carlos, what did you mean?"

It seemed the dial tone was quickly becoming James' best friend. With a sigh, he tried Logan's cell.

"Hey, it's Logan. I'm not available right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you."

It was off. Typical. James decided to go to bed. He'd try calling Logan again tomorrow.

**Final Author's Note:** I am aware that _California Dreams_ had not been released as a single at the time this story takes place, but I hope you'll forgive me for taking artistic liberties with the timeline. Reviews are highly appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I know it's been forever and a day, but here's chapter 3. I hope you enjoy it. As always, reviews & constructive criticism are highly appreciated.

**Disclaimer: **Anything you recognize, I do not own.

In most situations, Logan Mitchell considered himself to be a morning person. His mother, in her lilac bathrobe and bunny slippers, waking him up for a phone call at 8:00 in the morning on a Saturday was not "most situations".

Groggy, Logan answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Heeeeeey Logan!" came James' all too enthusiastic response.

Logan groaned, "James, what do you want? You're usually not awake until noon on weekends." In all honesty Logan probably didn't _want_ to know why James was calling, but he was too curious not to ask. Logan heard James gasp in offense.

"Can't a guy call his best friend without having his motives questioned?"

"At 8:00 in the morning on a Saturday, no. No he can't. Especially not when you sound like Tigger on Prozac." Logan sighed and rubbed his temples. "So cut the crap, Pretty Boy. What. Do. You. Want?"

"You really think I'm pretty?" The smile on James' face was audible as he teased Logan.

"I _will_ hang up on you. You have three seconds to give me a reason not to."

"Wait, wait! Okay. You're my best friend and I want you to come to L.A. with me. "

Logan rolled his eyes, "Let me guess, Kendall said no and Carlos for some reason or another can't go."

"No. Well okay yes, but- and it's his grandmother's birthday, but-"

And that's when memories from last night came flooding back.

"James, I am _not_ a girl!"

This was exactly the reaction James had been afraid of.

"I'm not your girlfriend. I'm your friend, but I'm not a girl ergo I can't be your girlfriend. Nor would I want to be even if I were a girl!"

James pouted at that. Every girl wanted to be his girlfriend; he was James Diamond.

"Ouch. Tell me how you really feel. Regardless, I am perfectly aware you're not a girl. I doubt they'd let you shower in our locker room after practice if you were. But none of that matters because I have a completely brilliant plan."

Logan let out a sardonic laugh. "I'm going to stop you right there. Whatever it is, whatever wacky hijinks you've convinced yourself you're going to pull off seamlessly, I want no part of it. "

"You haven't even heard me out!" James was indignant, Logan could tell.

Sighing, Logan tried a different approach. "James, I don't need to hear you out. Every plan you've ever devised has fallen apart. They're always overly complicated. Hell, your plan to get Missy Simmons to go to prom with you involved hiring Boys in the Attic. There was also talk of assembling a team of ninjas if I remember correctly."

"Hey! That plan was flawless. She _totally_ would have said yes if Rocque Records hadn't gone bankrupt and I had actually been able to contact Boys in the Attic."

James was growing concerned. He knew that of his three best friends Kendall would be the absolute last one to agree to his idea, but Logan was too smart for his own good. James could have easily swayed Carlos with the promise of hot California girls, but even if he got Logan to agree to his plan (which he totally could), Logan would fight him every step of the way. The idea of spending the next month and a half fighting with Logan had James tempted to withdraw from the contest altogether. But James was determined and he had to at least try.

"James are you still there?"

"Yes. Anyway, all I'm asking is that you at least hear me out."

Logan took a deep breath and James pictured him gripping the bridge of his nose.

"All right, fine! I have to admit I'm a little bit curious."

* * *

><p>Thirty seconds later Logan knew exactly why they claimed curiosity killed the cat.<p>

"You want me to WHAT?"

James pulled the phone away from his ear. "I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend." James was entirely too calm.

"I am not-"

"You're not a girl, yes, we've established this. Despite that tricky fact, I figured a way around that. I got the idea while watching _Ru Paul's Drag Race_ last night."

"You watch _Ru Paul's Drag Race_? Wait don't answer that, that's so beside the point right now. You're telling me you want me to dress in drag and pretend to be your girlfriend? For two weeks…in California…unsupervised? Good God, what is in the hair products you use? Whatever it is must be seeping into your brain." Logan couldn't comprehend this plan for the life of him. It literally made no sense.

"Why don't you just ask a girl from our school? Any number of them would love to go with you. You're James Diamond and it's a vacation to a film set with Dak Zevon. It cannot be _that_ hard to find a female companion for the trip."

James sighed heavily, dragging his palm across his face. None of this made a difference to Logan, who couldn't see him. "Under any other circumstances it wouldn't be, but I only broke up with Kara Livingston a week ago. In my defense I didn't know I was going to win the contest or that the contest required a girlfriend. In any event, I broke up with Kara and now she and all of her friends hate me."

Logan could see where James was coming from but he was still perplexed.

"Oh…kay, but it's not as though Kara's friends with every girl at our school. Our school has 738 female students. It is physically impossible for Kara Livingston to be friends with every single one of them."

Unexpectedly, it seemed James had given this plan a lot of thought because he had a response at the ready. "She's friends with enough of them to make a difference. Aside from Kara's group there are; the upperclassmen girls who wouldn't be caught dead with a sophomore, the girls who don't take nearly enough pride in their hair and general appearance, the girls who hate Dak Zevon on principle, the girls-"

"Okay, okay- I get it." Logan knew that if he didn't cut James off now he'd be stuck listening to him list the flaws of every girl in school.

Suddenly Logan thought of the most perfect suggestion.

"You could always ask Jenny."

"Jenny _Tinkler_?" There was an edge to James' voice and Logan could just picture his facial expression; eyes wild, lips pursed, teeth gritted. And if Logan looked mischievous with a raised eyebrow and an uncontrollable smirk, well it's not like James could tell.

"Well yeah. I mean, why not? She's cute and she takes pride in her appearance. As far as I know she likes Dak Zevon, she's in our grade, and she's definitely not friends with Kara Livingston."

James blanched "You want me to take Jenny Tinkler? She's a walking disaster!"

"Oh come on, James! Your eyebrows grew back eventually."

"Logan, I want to become famous, not _infamous_. If I take Jenny Tinkler to that film set I'll become known as 'James Diamond: the guy whose 'girlfriend' inadvertently killed Dak Zevon'."

"Look James, it was just a suggestion. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed."

James got really quiet as he said, "Just promise me you'll think about it?"

Not knowing what to say to that Logan begrudgingly agreed.

* * *

><p>Going back to bed was easier said than done. Logan was still reeling from him conversation with James. He sat in his bed and conjured up images of himself in women's clothing. Each image was more laughable than the last. There was no way in hell Logan could ever convincingly pass for a girl.<p>

Realizing that sleep would elude him for the rest of the day, Logan got dressed and decided to visit Kendall at work. When he arrived he quickly found Kendall in the grocery store's parking lot assembling the carts. Upon noticing Logan, Kendall punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Hey man! What are you doing here?" Kendall was curious, but clearly relieved to see Logan. Visits from the guys always made his shifts go by faster.

"I couldn't sleep. James woke me up at 8:00 this morning." Very obviously annoyed, Logan grabbed a shopping cart and began assisting Kendall.

Laughing, Kendall asked: "So he called you too, huh?"

"You know about his plan?" Logan asked excitedly. He desperately needed someone with whom to commiserate. James' descent into madness was a serious concern that warranted discussion.

The hopes Logan had for such a discussion were dashed as Kendall answered, "Only that he has one. I hung up before he could inflict it on me."

Automatically Logan rolled his eyes, "You lucky bastard."

Kendall's smile seemed to grow wider. "It didn't involve ninjas this time, did it?"

Oh how Logan wished. "Worse. In fact, you should probably be sitting down for this."

Obligingly, Kendall propped himself down into the shopping cart he'd been holding. "Lay it on me."

"James wants me to dress in drag and pretend to be his girlfriend."

If he hadn't been sitting in a shopping cart Kendall would have fallen backwards. Spluttering and turning cherry red, Kendall struggled to compose himself.

"It's not funny." Logan attempted to emphasize this point by crossing his arms and shooting Kendall the iciest glare he could manage.

Kendall's expression sobered, but not for long as he said, "You're right. It's fucking hysterical!"

Logan just continued to glare at him. For a moment Kendall looked deep in thought as he remembered an incident from middle school.

"You know, it wouldn't be the first time you did it."

Logan stared at him like he'd grown two extra heads.

"Dressed in drag, I mean," Kendall clarified.

Just as Logan was about to vehemently deny it, he realized what Kendall was referring to.

"That was one time! And it's only because there was literally no one else available to take Becca Robinson's place in the school play when she got the flu."

Kendall just gave him a pointed look in return. Logan smacked him upside the head. "That was one time, for one time. James wants me to do this for two full weeks!"

"All the moms did say you made an adorable little girl." Kendall's voice had a taunting, sing-songy quality to it that made Logan want to punch him in the face. Instead, he settled for shoving the shopping cart Kendall was sitting in (hard), and stomping off dramatically.

* * *

><p>Carlos was even less help. After the disaster that was his discussion with Kendall, Logan had arranged to meet Carlos at the arcade. Carlos was 20 minutes late, as usual. Between games of Mortal Kombat and Pac-Man, Logan had managed to catch Carlos up on 'Operation: James is an Idiot of Gigantic Proportions'.<p>

"And to make it worse, Kendall had the audacity to say I made an adorable girl in the school play years ago," Logan said, all the while gesticulating wildly, violently grasping at the air.

"Audacity? Really? It's a Saturday; use smaller words. Besides, Kendall has a point. Even Becca's mom said you were an adorable replacement."

"Okay, but what James wants me to do is absolutely asinine. It's absurd!"

"Again: smaller words. And let me put it to you this way, Logan- you made quite the effort to help him win, maybe you should see him to the finish line."

There were several possible responses to that, but eventually Logan settled for stuffing his mouth with pepperoni pizza before changing the subject.

* * *

><p>Pacing his bedroom floor, Logan was mentally cursing Carlos. For such an irrational person, he gave surprisingly rational advice. Logan couldn't believe what he was doing- he was freaking out. Moving on from mentally cursing Carlos, Logan tried his mom's deep breathing yoga technique. The moment the ringing stopped, Logan was tempted to throw the phone like it was on fire. Instead, he cleared his throat.<p>

"James, I can't believe you got me to agree to this."


End file.
